My Big coloured sun-glasses
Wear them I must, everyday, practically everywhere.
By Day and By night, with consistency
They have become my shield, From the strangers' eye
Beneath them I can turn a blind eye to many an injustice
Yes, Its like I do not see.
For after all, I do have my big, coloured sun-glasses on.
They hide the hatred felt, the racism, the anger.
Yes beneath these, we pass each other seemingly unseeingly.
The windows to my soul they make obscure
So I cannot share. I do not share.
Beneath these the hungry child's pleading eyes cannot meet my gaze
Indeed they separate me from a world I refuse to acknowledge.
The wind that carries my neighbors burdens, bounces against my shield
And I walk away
Much goes on. Unseen. Ignored. Brushed aside
For behind the shield of my big coloured sun-glasses
None can point a finger. None can say I saw. None can say I knew.
I live in my world and you're not a part of it.
No. I need not turn to the other side.
I just keep facing forward. Moving On
I do not see you. Acknowledge You.
I have my big coloured sun-glasses on.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sans List
So this new year I am not writing a new list. The list of New Year’s Resolutions. For my previous lists were not events but processes. That I dared to attach a time-frame to them is now amusing to my seemingly learned self. For if I thought only of losing 10kg in 2009, I’d quickly gain it back if it was all about 2009. No my resolutions are not for the year, they go beyond that boundary. So instead I think of how after I’ve lost the weight, how I’m going to keep it off. For surely it can’t be that my quest for spiritual growth has ended with the end of the year. And the new job I got in the last year would be gone if I didn’t resolve to keep it.
I resist the urge to make a to-do list and lean towards a to-be list. For surely who I am becoming is more important that what I am doing. And to be may not be contained within the year. No. I refuse to honor the boundaries at the expense of disrupting the flow of growth, and progress of my “becoming”.The year had many defining moments. Like waking up to the realization that the creative fire in my belly could no longer be ignored. In those early days I longed to sing a song so loud, and beautiful all would hear it. To pen words to superfluous, they begged to be read. But instead, I had to learn to listen. To listen to my heart speak to me, to words unspoken by others, and to the heartbeat of my surroundings.
In my moments of reflection and refining I found that it was not so much what was left unsaid that bothered me. What bothered me more were the unasked questions. Questions that I had, that begged for answers yet I dared not ask them. With an unanswered question, I could be free, for I dared to ask and got my reply, even if it was an “unanswer”. But to carry the burden of unasked questions is tedious. Unanswered question never go away.
I hope that in all this year I have stayed authentically me. The authentic me that is dynamic. For not only have many forces shaped me, I have responded in many ways. Sometimes I have been watered and blossomed. At times it was as if I was being ravaged by an all-consuming fire. Burn or be refined were my only choices. That I have made it out this year, is a miracle. For how often we forget how miraculous each day is.
I hope in all this I have retained my consciousness of the right and wrong, the good and bad, relevant and irrelevant, the appropriate and inappropriate. Yes we have guiding principles governing the way in which we operate, respond, act, yet I have learnt to treat each situation as it comes by, all things considered. What may seem simple in theory may have multiple levels of complexity when actually experienced.
So as the New Year begins, I treasure the processes that have brought me thus far. I have to admit that many of them can only be best appreciated in hindsight. Most of all I treasure and honor who I am becoming. This gradual process of life which I am often tempted to treat as an event.
I look at the world with eyes that have wept more tears, which carry more laughter lines, old eyes with newer perspective. I take a moment to breathe in deeply and celebrate the journey as it has been so far. I make a mental note to appreciate it more often than just at the beginning of the year. I decide to embrace and own my life once more. This New Year signals a new opportunity, to love again, to trust again, to hope again. I remind myself that each new day is a new opportunity.
So I brace myself, my arms free from any new list, ready to continue on this path of discovery that life is. Reveling in the fact that even as we each walk our path, our destinies lie interlinked and our paths coexist and intermingle. I smile on the recognition that I am free to set my own pace, and with this freedom comes responsibility.
For this past year I have learnt to own my feelings, attitudes and actions. Some have been unpleasant. I have found myself disgusted by society’s continual blame shifting my own included. How we continuously ignore even blatant injustices. How we no longer hold each other accountable and responsible. I vow to begin the change process with myself.
But the biggest decision I’ve made is of being true to myself. Of living in consciousness. Refusing to be lied to even by my own mind’s eye. Rather knowing me, knowing others and letting others know me. Being true to my womanhood, by not suppressing the instincts that may be considered distinctly feminine even in a testosterone-filled environment. Embracing the roles I have to play knowing full well they are not all that I am and becoming. This process I decide to continue in my life’s journey. Armed with my wit, grace and a smile…and Sans List
I resist the urge to make a to-do list and lean towards a to-be list. For surely who I am becoming is more important that what I am doing. And to be may not be contained within the year. No. I refuse to honor the boundaries at the expense of disrupting the flow of growth, and progress of my “becoming”.The year had many defining moments. Like waking up to the realization that the creative fire in my belly could no longer be ignored. In those early days I longed to sing a song so loud, and beautiful all would hear it. To pen words to superfluous, they begged to be read. But instead, I had to learn to listen. To listen to my heart speak to me, to words unspoken by others, and to the heartbeat of my surroundings.
In my moments of reflection and refining I found that it was not so much what was left unsaid that bothered me. What bothered me more were the unasked questions. Questions that I had, that begged for answers yet I dared not ask them. With an unanswered question, I could be free, for I dared to ask and got my reply, even if it was an “unanswer”. But to carry the burden of unasked questions is tedious. Unanswered question never go away.
I hope that in all this year I have stayed authentically me. The authentic me that is dynamic. For not only have many forces shaped me, I have responded in many ways. Sometimes I have been watered and blossomed. At times it was as if I was being ravaged by an all-consuming fire. Burn or be refined were my only choices. That I have made it out this year, is a miracle. For how often we forget how miraculous each day is.
I hope in all this I have retained my consciousness of the right and wrong, the good and bad, relevant and irrelevant, the appropriate and inappropriate. Yes we have guiding principles governing the way in which we operate, respond, act, yet I have learnt to treat each situation as it comes by, all things considered. What may seem simple in theory may have multiple levels of complexity when actually experienced.
So as the New Year begins, I treasure the processes that have brought me thus far. I have to admit that many of them can only be best appreciated in hindsight. Most of all I treasure and honor who I am becoming. This gradual process of life which I am often tempted to treat as an event.
I look at the world with eyes that have wept more tears, which carry more laughter lines, old eyes with newer perspective. I take a moment to breathe in deeply and celebrate the journey as it has been so far. I make a mental note to appreciate it more often than just at the beginning of the year. I decide to embrace and own my life once more. This New Year signals a new opportunity, to love again, to trust again, to hope again. I remind myself that each new day is a new opportunity.
So I brace myself, my arms free from any new list, ready to continue on this path of discovery that life is. Reveling in the fact that even as we each walk our path, our destinies lie interlinked and our paths coexist and intermingle. I smile on the recognition that I am free to set my own pace, and with this freedom comes responsibility.
For this past year I have learnt to own my feelings, attitudes and actions. Some have been unpleasant. I have found myself disgusted by society’s continual blame shifting my own included. How we continuously ignore even blatant injustices. How we no longer hold each other accountable and responsible. I vow to begin the change process with myself.
But the biggest decision I’ve made is of being true to myself. Of living in consciousness. Refusing to be lied to even by my own mind’s eye. Rather knowing me, knowing others and letting others know me. Being true to my womanhood, by not suppressing the instincts that may be considered distinctly feminine even in a testosterone-filled environment. Embracing the roles I have to play knowing full well they are not all that I am and becoming. This process I decide to continue in my life’s journey. Armed with my wit, grace and a smile…and Sans List
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Carry Over
What happens when a new year begins?
Do we disregard the previous years dreams, desires, hopes. plans. So the year 2009 drew to a close and as I reflected, I know I've learnt much and I've grown some. Yes... I am becoming.
Yet this still lingers
What happens when the year ends and you're not where you desire to be.. where you ought to be by your own standards. Do you just accept it as your destiny? Is it God's timing?
How do you begin anew when certain things were not completed. In closing the 2009 door, what do you carry-over into the new year? What do you leave behind?
Do we disregard the previous years dreams, desires, hopes. plans. So the year 2009 drew to a close and as I reflected, I know I've learnt much and I've grown some. Yes... I am becoming.
Yet this still lingers
What happens when the year ends and you're not where you desire to be.. where you ought to be by your own standards. Do you just accept it as your destiny? Is it God's timing?
How do you begin anew when certain things were not completed. In closing the 2009 door, what do you carry-over into the new year? What do you leave behind?
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