Faith

Faith hurts, It exposes you, makes you vulnerable
It stands and says... I trust and I hope and I will... for the best
Sometimes I am full yet at times I am running low

The substance of things hoped for, evidence of things unseen
It anticipates, that surely surely surely, it will come to pass
That the door will open, the mountain will move
Faith speaks, faith hears,
It sees Beyond present circumstances
It comprehends
Faith is the reason it is, the reason it will be
Yet at times, I am running low

Its as if I'm standing in a room
A room full of people, young and old, male and female
And I am naked, in the centre I stand
They stand with me my fellows,
There is strength and resolve in our numbers, even in our nakedness

All around me, others are rescued
I look up, and they all pass me by
My eyes flicker with hope with each approaching person
I see pity in their eyes, for none bears a banner with my name

Their sympathy drives them to urge me to hold on as they pass me by;
For surely my rescue is near
Yet their cliched words are meaningless to me
For I am still standing right here, Naked and in full view

Panic stricken, my eyes dart back and forth the room
Up and down, I appraise the room
Hoping, wishing, yet fearful
For in this moment.. It seems like anything would do, anything would suffice
Rather than standing here
Naked and In full view of all. All in full view of me

Soon I am all but left alone in the centre of the room
Now I no longer stand, I am weary. Weary from waiting, waiting anxiously
The cold floor offers no solace to my body, no balm to my aching soul
I feel my strength and resolve seeping out of my spirit

As I lie on the hard floor, a little part of me dares to hope, to hold on, not quit
I am fearful to admit this, even to myself, For how can this be?
Is it Faith that's kept me in the room?
Is it Faith that's kept my eyes looking out?
Faith that's lived as a flicker within me
Faith that's refused to die
Faith so small, I almost didn't realise I had

How I desire that I had the faith to keep me standing boldly
The faith to resolutely search for my own name on the passing banners
The faith that eliminates desperation from my eyes as I stand
Vulnerable yes, yet patient even in my nakedness

But I know now, faiths end would be the death of me
Faith is in the assurance
The knowledge, not only that they'll come; Those that are sent for me
Bearing a banner with my name on it
But more so who'll come
For He who comes is surely faithful, and unchanging

I cant help but wonder though
What took them so long
Yes. I still have a lot to learn
An unquestioning faith to gain

Who am I?

I have come to know this;

The road to full disclosure and discovery of who I am, is my life.
Hope refuses to reach a point of contentment; of saying I know who I am fully and there's nothing more, nothing new, no change. That will be the death of me.
Hope longs to know enough of who I am to carry me through each time, moment, season.
For who I am is constant, yet continually changing. For as I am a sculptor of things and processes in my life........people, events, processes, attitudes, perceptions, will mould me, shape me, dent me.. into who I am.
So I embrace life. As a journey. Of perpetual learning. At times rather slow, yet in other moments fast-paced.
Who I am is not only what I do, that's a small facet. Its not only what I say, how I say.... what I see, and how I see.
Its in the how, the when, the why, with whom......Who I am is in the "and then..."
What I knew of me yesterday may not hold true today, let alone tomorrow.
More so what you knew, what you know, what you will know
whom you knew, whom you know, whom you will know.
For some will know in part, some will for a moment assume full knowledge.
Are there ever moments, times, seasons of absolute certainty.. I ask?
For life will confront me, each day faces me with its endless possibilities, calling me forth to be who I am;.... in spite of,.....because of,....... so that..... through it all

I am soul, mind, body, spirit all in one
I am what I think, what I say, what I hear, what I feel
In some moments, I am what you say, not always what you see, whom you see
So who am I?
I am who I am, I am what I am, I am who I am becoming
Past, present and and future, in an intricate dance
Life's dance so fragile yet filled with strength and vigour.
I am me

The neccesity of this "pitstop"

stubborn! stubborn! stubborn! I hear
As resolute I stand
Lets toss her, upside-down shake her
The wind howls in my ears
The cold chills my bones, reaching the marrow
But my spirit faints not
Stronger it goes, more determined I am
For to faint now, what a loss
Oh how far we've come
The climb so steep and the path so narrow
Moving forward, the only option
But at this "pitstop" my partner's camped
And I see the chaos around me
The storm brewing and
My partner's silence baffles me
The voices urge me back to the depths
Calling my name, beckoning
And they reach my ears, I hear
Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn!!! Lets toss her
And my partner keeps silent, watches
I try to move forward
this journey is not for one- I need my partner
Evidently not ready to move along
Questioning the necessity of this "pitstop"
I make this decision
I will not be moved, I will not be shaken
There's no going back, I silence the voices beckoning
And call to order the chaos
My partner I face, bruised by His silence, thankful for His presence
And resolutely I stand, to say that as long as you are here, so am I
Yet I cannot help..but question the necessity of this "pitsop"

I cry buckets.... and He is silent

I cry buckets, enough buckets to fill a river
the tears gush out of me, as if the banks of my broken spirit have burst
the cannot; will not be contained
will my tears quench the thirst of the land upon which I stand
intent it seems to devour me
so I cry buckets

Will my tears turn the parched land into a lush field
Questions questions questions
who can save me, what can my rescue be
for I am aware that I do not stand alone
in the midst of this desert, the wind howling, sun-scorching
He is here

Yet I cry buckets, of tears that will disappear
the desert heat ravages me, its fire consumes me
Yet He sits in silence
I am distraught, for my conscience is aware of His ability
His previous feats are clearly imprinted in my memory
Yet I cry buckets.. enough buckets to fill a river
A river that cannot withstand this desert
A rivers that cannot conquer my circumstances

Do these buckets mean nothing to Him
He sees, I know. He hears I am aware
Now I stand, here I am all spent, tears i shed no more
For many buckets I have filled, and filled up a river
Questions questions questions
He's watched me fill these buckets
I wonder when He'll say... enough

Free to be yours

Set me free
Free me with your love
That I may soar....so I may be

Set me free
Free to love
That I may glide...till the truth I find

Set me free
Free for love
That I may live....live and learn

Imprison me not in your heart
But set me free
For in my freedom
In my soaring, in my gliding, I find myself
And My path leads back to you
Then you will know
that as surely as I am free
Free to be me, I am free....free to be yours

The days of old

How I long for those days.......the days of old
when the truth was spoken and hearts were open
when souls connected, and love was abound
when simplicity ruled, and random acts of kindness were the order of the day
when faith ruled over fear, and peace prevailed over doubt, strife and cynicism
when laughter came easily, more readily and many smiles lit up the world
when i danced in the moonlight, and delighted in the summers rain
when tears of grief were shared, and rest and respite found on my neighbours shoulder
Today, i cry no more yet no laughter rings in my ears
my hearts gone cold, to stone its turned
The fountain of my youth is ebbed, the energy sapped out of me
That which dares me to be strong, has hardened me
Yes, it chokes the feeling out of my soul, my heart
and though my eyes are open, i do not see, My ears are open, yet I can barely hear
From my mouth, no words.
For I am numbed, by this great force
Of expectations, Of experiences,
Of dreams unfulfilled, Of hope lost, Of love unreturned, words unsaid
How I long for those days, the days of old

Song in my heart

There's a song in my heart
And I long to sing it
I open my mouth, and silence streams out
Its as if the world around has stolen my voice, stolen my words
I stand dejected
For this song I long to sing
I've longed to sing for a while

I hear the song in my heart
The ears of my soul are filled with its sound
Such sweet melody, ecstacy
Carrying the essence of my being
My spirit, my soul
I long to sing

Yet fear gripps me
And causes this silence
A silence louder than my song
Yet still, there's a song in my heart
And I long to sing it

I am despondent
Frustrated, aaaahhhhhhh
these words these words
the words of my song
they haunt me in the night
in the day they consume me
its as if the shadows overtake me
oh but i long to sing
the song in my heart

will you hear, do you hear it
for my fear is for my words
the words in my spirit
that will go unheard
yet, i still long to sing
the song in my heart
for you to hear, yes
but more for me
for the song in my heart
is my song

yes, it speaks of me; yet it speaks to me
so i sing
the song in my heart, song of my soul
and the melody soars, high above
transcending my fears, freeing me
for this song in my heart
is a song to sing