Judging from my own behavior, I have become convinced that humans have a self destruct button or mentality somewhere. And that success comes from winning the battle of this seemingly inherent will to self destruct.
How else does one explain the overwhelming urge to do all things that are utterly self-defeating, when faced with the choice of going about things the "normal..read.. "boring way". How does one demystify that often times I expend my energy towards everything else but the one thing that I am meant to be doing?
How does one explain the overwhelming fear of my own success and capabilities? To what do I subscribe my bad choices?
I've walked along my life's journey long enough to know what I should be doing to get what I want most of the time. Preparing for those kairos moments, recognizing and grabbing them when they come my way. I know how hard work and discipline will take me places. Gosh.... I know to have dreams, have a living and acting faith, to keep hope alive... even not to sweat the small stuff.
But why is it that despite all this.. there are those moments... yeah.. those moments.. when doing the right thing is the last thing on my mind.. or I choose not to choose and just default..
Me is convinced its this self destruct mentality that I either created, inherited or whatever else. Its right there somewhere. Fighting my sometimes already weak will and resolve.
I realize that when I do not choose consciousness, I choose to slide into self destruct mode.And the only way out is to BE DELIBERATE
Be deliberate about my thoughts,decisions, choices, actions, responses.
I am forever grateful that everyday.. is another chance!!!
Be Deliberate!!
As I was reading I was reminded of the passage of Scripture in Romans(the one below) where Paul was sort of sharing on the same predicament... I like what it says on the last verse that with my mind I will serve the Law of the Lord..... It got me thinking that it is equal to what u said about Being deliberate about your thoughts.... Nice one madam
ReplyDeleteRom 7:15 In fact, I don't understand why I act the way I do. I don't do what I know is right. I do the things I hate.
Rom 7:16 Although I don't do what I know is right, I agree that the Law is good.
Rom 7:17 So I am not the one doing these evil things. The sin that lives in me is what does them.
Rom 7:18 I know that my selfish desires won't let me do anything that is good. Even when I want to do right, I cannot.
Rom 7:19 Instead of doing what I know is right, I do wrong.
Rom 7:20 And so, if I don't do what I know is right, I am no longer the one doing these evil things. The sin that lives in me is what does them.
Rom 7:21 The Law has shown me that something in me keeps me from doing what I know is right.
Rom 7:22 With my whole heart I agree with the Law of God.
Rom 7:23 But in every part of me I discover something fighting against my mind, and it makes me a prisoner of sin that controls everything I do.
Rom 7:24 What a miserable person I am. Who will rescue me from this body that is doomed to die?
Rom 7:25 Thank God! Jesus Christ will rescue me. So with my mind I serve the Law of God, although my selfish desires make me serve the law of sin.